The Amputation might be my desire and I very well may be looking forward to it. But this does not and has not stopped the apprehension from creeping up.
Yesterday morning I went in for lab and EKG that is required before surgery. This for some reason caused a bit of negative thoughts, concern and fear to creep up on me. I got thinking about the "what ifs"
What if something goes wrong? What if I died during surgery? What if for some reason I can't handle a prosthetic?
Of those dying is the one that got me the most. The thought, though not likely, realization that it could happen. People have died having routine surgery far less invasive than an amputation before. So yeah the concern or fear is legitimate and real. It is not however one that will stop me from this. Again this is my choice.
However in spite of any fear I may have and in spite of my refusal to allow it from stopping the amputation I am considering a Will and Advance Directive just to be on the safe side. At the very least I am considering writing a few letters to a few family who I wish to share any unsaid thought with.