MY life My problems Not yours!

Recently I was accused of using someone else's problems for my own personal gain.

I have been thinking and thinking and thinking about that. Recently I hit rock bottom emotionally and wanted to commit suicide. I took a few extra blood pressure pills. I knew when I took them it wasn't likely enough to do the job but I tried. Because of that attempt my primary wanted me to have a psych eval.

This person also tried to commit suicide twice. They were rescued thank God.

I am sorry that that is our comparison between us. But I can also say my reasons had nothing to do with that person. I am hurting for totally different reasons and have been for a few years. It just happened that I hit rock bottom last recently.

You see I am alone. I sit here day in and day out and never have company that just comes to visit. Rarely get a phone call either. I don't have a lot of friends to go visit and those I have are a long drive away that I can't afford to go. Even my family is a long drive that I can't afford to take.  I am lonely.

I have spent my entire life with other people in the house. People I can talk to and share with and laugh with. But now I am alone. I can't do alone well but I am having to do so.

I long for my phone to ring. I long for the knock at the door for a friend. I long for a conversation to expand my mind out of this feeling of loneliness.

My problems are not this persons nor is it because of this person. The only involvement with this person if I was using anything was I was holding on to them as my support system. As someone who was saving me. I am lonely.

No I don't think suicide is the answer. No I am not suicidal. If I was I have enough pills here I could end things and no one would know for days or even weeks because I am alone.

Death isn't my wish. Life is.

But not this life of loneliness.